This is my jihad!

in the name of Allah.. the most gracious.. the most merciful…

salam ‘alaik… kaifa imanukum jami’a?

semoga terus segar dan mekar di sirami dakwah serta tarbiyyah….

Allahumma aameen…

saya baru beberapa hari discharge dari hospital…

i was admit due to low of white blood cells and high fever..

from thousands, only hundreds left for me to fight my illness…

i was very very weak at that time..

sampai satu ketika, suhu badan naik mendadak hingga hampir mencecah 42 darjah celcius…

boleh rosak otak kata doktor…

due to high body temperature….

mereka pasang intravenous drip to help reduce the body temperature….

it was hard time for me and my mum who was with me of course…

i keep on mimpi bukan bukan…

at that time…

i really appreciate healthy time…

just imagine….

i cant eat, or even drink….

tekak pahit sangat…..

apa yg blh buat cuma sabar….

saya dipaksa untuk makan….

to gain my energy…

i lose most of my energy during fever..

ye la..

i need to fight with my illness..

at the same time..

i need to rebuild my antibody…

i need to rebuild my white blood cells…

which i lose after i take carbamazepine..

tak semua get the same effect as i am…

jangan takut….

just few in hundreds.. (maybe)

tapi… dont worry…

tawakkal… bcz this is our ikhtiar…

inshaa Allah…

i got ulcers dalam tekak serta mulut…

sgt2lah sukar untuk saya telan makanan atau minuman…

even saliva…

nak taknak.. saya cuma bergantung pada air drip yg masuk….

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond what he can bear of.” [2:286]

i missed outside world so much..

bila tengok jiran sebelah katil makan…

saya telan air liur saja…

mana tidaknya….

tak selera sangat……

suka untuk saya ingatkan,

masa sihat amat berharga…

once Allah ambil kembali nikmat Dia…

kita akan menyesal kerana mensia-siakan nikmat tersebut….

jarum beberapa kali rosak…

terpaksa tukar tempat cucuk setiap hari…

hampir segenap pelusuk tangan saya di cucuk….

Allahu Allah….

i can only sabar….

put my faith on Allah..

sabar… sabar… dan sabar….

setiap hari ambil darah….

sabar lagi…. sungguh… Allah cinta…

i feel blessed! Alhamdulillah….

ada ketikanya… disuntik antibiotik…

sakitnya…

Allahu Allah..

sungguh Dia saja yang tahu…..

i could not explain it all…

masuk saja antibiotik…

terus badan jadi panas…

sakit sangat….

tapi….. sabar lagi!

jahannam is much more hotter than this!

jadi… i make a decision…

i need to be strong!

this is my jihad!

this is my mujahadah!

ya Allah… tsabbatkan diriku dalam ketaatan pada-Mu…

ya Allah… tsabbatkan aku dalam deen-Mu…

ya Allah… tsabbatkan langkahku pada jalan-Mu…

pada jalan yang Engkau redhai…

pada jalan yang Engkau cintai….

pada jalan yang Engkau kasihi…

Allahumma Aameen!!

 

Salam rindu… Salam sayang…

Ana ukhtikum fillah,

SMB

Bintulu, Sarawak, Malaysia

160613 | 0000 hour

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